Ask Onnie

Why is it that so many of us end up with a person who is completely wrong for us? Let’s dissect the problem scientifically. The guy seemed amazing enough when you started out, right? So what is it that now makes you want to sock him in the eye whenever he is within a 5 kilometer radius?

Oh I know, he was just sooo cute back when! His elbows would stick out at angles from the rest of him, his hair was always endearingly mussed up and he would whistle while he worked.
And now he is just so irritating! He whistles while he works, his elbows stick out at angles from the rest of him and his hair is always mussed up. Yetch!

A rational reason for this could be that we rush in headlong without grokking the situation. No, it’s not an old wives’ tale. Just imagine, you are all worked up and your sympathetic nervous system is on overdrive. Your pupils are perpetually dilated and you look at the world as if through a soft focus lens, with all the jagged edges blurred out. All capacity for rational thought goes right out the window. Is it any wonder then that the person you have a crush on seems most enchanting and perfectly perfect?

But how long can this precarious phase last?
A couple of months down the lane the endorphin induced high peters off and all the kinks you found so endearing in the person can now be seen for what they truly are. Six months and they begin to grate on your nerves. Throw in a couple of weeks and you are now wondering what in heaven’s name were you thinking!

A crush usually runs its course over four months (to a maximum of one year if you are the really soppy sort. Anything longer than that and you might want to consider making an appointment with your family psychiatrist to discuss obsessive compulsive disorder). This process of course, takes half the time if you strike up a relationship with the object of your infatuation. For the simple reason that that would involve being bright eyed about slave labour.
(unless you are one of the rare species that lend the girl their jacket, rate B&B and the OC over football; remember anniversaries and favorite ice cream flavors and buy thoughtful yet utterly useless presents out of habit) (You are?! Erm... are you straight? May I have your phone number?).

Now, this dude/dame you have a crush on could be a genuine A1 sweetheart with a heart of gold, an infinite improbability drive and the works, but you can’t really rule out the possibility of their being cold, calculating slave drivers who can’t tell people from disposable diapers.(you are incapable of rational thought, remember?)

All I’m saying is that if lady luck never quite liked the shape of your ears it might not be such a bad idea to consider the situation before going on your knees to profess undying love.
Which of course, is useless advice since you are incapable of rational thought, but anyhow.

p.s. :
By saying all this I do not intend to sound disillusioned or disgruntled. The ‘true love’ phenomenon might just exist in spite of the superior smirks with which we settle the issue. This could of course be entirely due to the fact that I’m an agnostic and not an atheist; a point of view that isn’t limited to religion alone. Anyhow, we might as well keep room for the possibility, in which case I suggest the contingency plan be to not waste time making contingency plans